I can not think of a more terrible tragedy than the house fire in Stamford, Conn. early on Christmas Day 2011 that took the lives of three children and their grandparents. The mother, Madonna Badger along with her companion, survived. She lost all her children and at their combined funeral she stood and addressed the attendees saying she often wondered how anyone could go on if they lost their children, but she added, ‘Here I Am’.
The song ‘Band on the Run’ starts ‘Stuck inside these four walls, sent inside forever...’ This is not just the opening of the song by Paul McCartney and Wings; rather, it is what happened to me four years ago today. Four years ago began an odyssey that left me a prisoner in my own body, one that I would not accept and fought to break out of my own personal jail. Many of you know my story - My Dad died on Jan. 23 2008. My parents lived in Florida and I flew down to meet my Mom and my sister Gayle and make arrangements. On the flight back home I got a chill and became sick and went through an odyessy that few people may ever really believe. After 496 straight days in three hospitals, two rehabilitation facilities, 22 operations and approximately $15 million dollars later, I went home. I had lost both my legs below the knee, use of my hands, both thumbs, some fingers, my wrists and lower arms are severely compromised, 60% percent of my throat, yet ‘Here I Am’.
I went from intensive care in Clara Maass Hospital to Jersey Shore Medical. Both facilities saved my life in a variety of ways. Then it was on to Kessler in West Orange and St Cloud’s also in West Orange where I learned to walk once again. In between I had stints in St. Barnabas in Livingston.
During all of this there was one thing I kept thinking and one thing only - I need to get out I need to get out I need to get out and I need to get out NOW!
In early June 2008 I was transferred to Kessler Institute of Rehabilitation in West Orange. Eventually, in July I sat up and was taken to therapy in a stretcher. My family is very social and everyone took an interest in us and we made a lot of friends, one in particular.
I looked at him and he was laying there and a balloon used in therapy was floating by us. He was paralyzed from the neck down from a car accident and I had no legs, no use of my arms and we were both lying flat on the stretchers used to bring us in for therapy and here’s this balloon coming right at us and he’s saying ‘I got it’ and I’m saying ‘No I got it’ and we are going back and forth and laughing as it floats down between us as neither one of us can move and it was crazy and we both knew it and really was a moment best appreciated by those of us who literally could do nothing else but laugh – or cry - or give up.
It was also the moment that I knew I was going to do whatever it took to get up and walk again. At that time, I had a remote chance to move on and I was going for it. I also knew that given the chance, I would help anyone in this situation. Anyone.
Four years later I am President of an amputee volunteer support group and together, we have become advocates for one another. My group helps me more than most would realize.
Four years later and I can look to a recent Christmas Party we had with my volunteer group and think about a member, my friend Carol who walked in and it was the first time I saw her walk! It was her gift to me as we supported her and challenged her and if I do nothing else, I have had a successful life.
Four years later I can recall my father who had physical challenges all his life and how he addressed all aspects of life with a dignity and grace that touched so many lives. He also would have kicked my ‘you-know-what’ if he ever saw me feeling down about any of this.
Four years later and I am a member of an Amputee committee at Kessler Institute of Rehabilitation in West Orange. As a patient stakeholder I represent the rights and thoughts of amputees.
Four years later I am also very passionate about my role as a member in Cedar Grove UNICO which does so much good in the local community.
Four years later I can really watch the Giants play the Patriots in the Super Bowl as the last time in 2008 I was, let’s say, busy.
Four years later I am involved with my parish – our beloved St Catherine’s – as I help with the parish web site.
Four years later I can dance with both my Mom Margaret and mother-in-law Kay Frucci; my wife Lisa, my godmother Aunt Issie, my sister Gayle, Kathy Neibart, my daughters Brandi and Brittany, JoAnn Chiusolo and her Mom Josephine on Christmas Eve.
Four years later I can spend time with my friend Gerard who is a brother and who is always so supportive in so many ways, especially towards our daughters.
Four years later I spend most days with Tony, the guy who helps me. You cannot find two more different people yet we learn from each other in ways I never thought possible.
Four years later and people I had not seen in years were there for me. Friends from high school like Robert Hickey and friends from college, like my beloved Beth Bloink and my fraternity brothers who I had not seen in years but always had my back. Being a Chi Brother really is for life.
Four years later I created and built three web sites which are used daily. Not bad for a guy with no hands.
Four years later I can go back and see people named Carol Walden, Marianne Quirk, Steven Neibart, Audrey Wallace, Benboy, Janet, Julie Paone, Lonnell Peten, Lily, Juice, Tiffany Teich, Mary Suskevich Long, Ed, Andrew Elkwood, Ricky Neibart, Ron Davis and my beloved Kathy Armstrong and so many others. I can look them all in the eye and thank them with the integrity they deserve by telling them what I am now doing.
Four years later I can look no farther than to our own St Catherine’s for friends like Bob Sweeney and Camy Novellino who there during our darkest hour and who continue to help me in countless ways.
Four years later I can finally say I went to see a Mets play a baseball game! Thanks to my brother-in-law David Neibart, my sister Gayle, Michael Taylor who got me to Yankee Stadium and then it was off to CitiField, by limousine no less, care of my good friend Craig Forlader.
Four years later I can watch and be a part of my daughters' lives once again. My daughters Brandi and Brittany mean the world to me and inspired me to get better.
Four years later I can go on a Saturday night date with my wife Lisa, but now she has to pay. I am truly amazed how strong a person she is and how lucky I am to be with her.
Four years later, I am an advocate for people who have experienced limb loss, and are going through serious illness such as cancer, which I also had a few times. I am using my new-found legs and my ‘Winner Never Quits’ spirit to help others want to help themselves.
I better, after all that my wife Lisa, my sister Gayle Neibart and my brother-in-law David Neibart, my Uncle Jimmy (Jim Morrison no not THAT Jim Morrison) and Fr. Charlie (Msgr. Gusmer) did for me, they would kill me if I wasn’t doing something productive! Yes, that’s a joke!
Truth is, none of us was born in the world that we now live in - meaning it has changed so much – but this!! A running joke in our home is that one morning Lisa or I will wake up and say ‘....I had this really crazy dream last night…’
At Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas, there is a sense that it is always Nov. 22, 1963. It is always April 14, 1865 at Ford's Theater in Washington, D.C., it may always be Sept. 11, 2001 by the World Trade Center and it was always Dec. 7, 1941 on the U.S.S. Arizona at Pearl Harbor.
For me and my family, it will not be Jan. 26, 2008. Rather, it will be the spirit of June 7, 2009, the day I walked out of rehab to go home, the day that represented so much goodwill and advances in technology and above all, the good that exists in so many people from all walks of life. It is the spirit of June 7, 2009 that will be our charter. Here I Am.
Even after he died, my Dad was still teaching me things. My Dad never complained about his pain. It was my Dad who really taught me how to handle difficult things in a respective manner. It was my Dad who showed me how to deal with physical limitations with grace and dignity and to always look towards the content of the person.
It was my Dad who taught me how to walk like a man.
Beth B
1:27 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
There is no one more inspirational than you. If your readers will just take a moment to try to imagine themselves with similar challenges, perhaps we wouldn't take so much for granted. I am so thrilled you have a place to share your thoughts and humor with us all on this site. I look forward to your next article.
Rich McAllister
4:05 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
You really ARE the Best!!
Luisa Fernanda Dueñas
2:27 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wow! This is an amazing and touching story. You are truly an example of never giving up hope and believing in yourself. Thank you for reminding us that life is a gift we must fight for and we should always be grateful for who we are and what God has given us. Very inspirational piece, I wish you the best in this amazing journey!
Rich McAllister
4:04 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Luisa ..
Samsmom
2:49 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
You gave me a lot of hope and made me realize that I need to stop complaining about my own life and live it with enthusiasm. It's amazing how optimistic you are after all you've been through. You may not have complete legs or arms, but you obviously make up for it with a huge heart that can inspire everyone. You're an excellent writer. I really hope that you'll continue to blog and encourage others to make the most of their circumstances. God bless you.
Rich McAllister
4:04 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thanks Samsmom... I appreciate you taking the time to read my BLOGs and post comments...my posts will come out every Thursday...
Sharon Scalora
3:50 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
What an amazing, powerful story. Truly inspiring!
Rich McAllister
4:02 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Sharon...
Ulrike Saegebarth
4:38 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
Richie, one can't help but love you and I truly do!
When I feel down and suffer pain I think of you and how powerful you are and I thank our dear Lord that I found you in cyber space. You are a shining star for so many people.
Rich McAllister
4:01 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Hi Rickie... It has been great to meet you as well... all the way from Germany...
Kathy Armstrong
8:21 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
Rich,
What can be done, is being done. By the grace of God and all who love you, All I can say is, WOW, you are still awesome. I mentioned your name the other day and the response was, Now that's a man no one can forget. You are a miracle to have survived and God has been good to guide you to help others. The happiness day was when I went to Kessler with you. Then I was sad to leave you. Can not believe it is 4 years since I first met you. stay well, motivated and see you when spring arrives!
Keep it going! Kathy
Rich McAllister
3:56 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
You were there from the beginning... Happiest Day for me was walking back in wearing a suit and tie to see you and everyone...
Joanne Ruggiero
8:40 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
Hi Rich, Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story and amazing journey. I was introduced on line to you by Gayle, who lives in my community. You may not know it, but you really helped me look forward to the future for my nephew, who was battling Osteosarcoma and lost his leg to it. I will send you the link so you can see him tap dancing again with a prosthetic 'peg leg'. It's truly inspiring and I think you two must be related somehow to have such a positive vision for the future. God Bless you and thank you for all you are doing to help others.
Sincerely,
Joanne Ruggiero
Rich McAllister
3:55 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Joanne ... I wrote you a message regarding Evan .. He really is amazing and a great dancer to boot!
Alina Gagliani-Gusman
11:10 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
Rich, you are so blessed You have a purpose God picked you I know he did ! It is people like you that make each day beautiful ... Very beautiful .
Rich McAllister
3:53 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Alina...
Linda Federico-O'Murchu
11:27 pm on Thursday, January 26, 2012
You are amazing, Rich. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Rich McAllister
3:49 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thanks Linda.... we will never forget you.. :)
Sherley Jean-Baptiste
5:51 am on Friday, January 27, 2012
What an amazing, inspiring story of courage and faith. Thank you so very much for sharing. I hope you don't mind my sharing with others?
Rich McAllister
3:48 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Hi Sherley, no not at all.. it's why I post .. to help understand one part of the world of disability..
Beverly Meaux
10:03 am on Friday, January 27, 2012
You are now one of my heroes.
Rich McAllister
3:46 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
You are very nice!! Rich
Alison
12:52 pm on Friday, January 27, 2012
Rich - I am continuously amazed at your optimism. You are an inspiration to all, and I can't wait to read about your new adventures!
Alison
Rich McAllister
3:47 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thanks Alison, every Thursday I post - Panasonic Alison?
Robert Hickey
5:09 pm on Friday, January 27, 2012
Rich,
You are an inspiration to everyone especially to me. Your unfortunate injuries have bought us back together. You were my best friend in high school and I'm so happy you are back in my life and my families life. I love you brother.
Robert Hickey
Rich McAllister
2:27 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
We've come a long way Robert!
NJ Burkett
6:59 pm on Friday, January 27, 2012
Rich--as one who heard Madonna Badger in that towering Gothic church on Fifth Avenue, I can tell you that I will remember her words for a long time. I rub my eyes, after twenty-five years in TV news and ask myself, "Was there ever anything worse?" Apart from 9/11--which is always a category unto itself--I can't think of anything more heartbreaking. "Here I am," she said. Well, here we all are. Thank you for reminding us of the resilience of the human spirit. And for sharing your insights--they come from a very special place. --NJ Burkett, WABC-TV
Rich McAllister
3:45 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Hi NJ - Thanks for taking the time to read and comment - Have watched you for years - and yes, the story you covered was heartbreaking... also, agree with your thoughts on 9/11 and that is a catagory unto itself as I saw the first plane hit .. http://richmcallister.webs.com/september112001.htm
Thanks again ..Rich
Caroline Gosselin - Prominent Properties Sotheby's International - The Gosselin Group
9:26 am on Saturday, January 28, 2012
Four years later, you wrote an amazingly empowering article about yout experience. Thank you for sharing.
-Caroline Gosselin
Rich McAllister
2:27 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Caroline... I hope you like the other articles I write too -0
Sandra Mordecai
9:41 am on Saturday, January 28, 2012
You are an inspiration to all of us. May God bless you.
Rich McAllister
2:20 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Sandra !
Fran Hopkins
11:49 am on Saturday, January 28, 2012
Rich, your incredible story of strength and determination makes me ashamed of myself for occasionally allowing something as trivial as unemployment to get me down. Thank you for reminding me that we are blessed beyond measure if we have people in our lives who truly love and care about us.
Rich McAllister
2:19 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thanks Fran, it is all relative as unemployment is not trival ... your articles are very nice...
Tiffany
10:27 pm on Saturday, January 28, 2012
You've been an inspiration to me since the first time you sat up by yourself... being able to stand for the first time & walk in a 5K post injury together, was a whole lot of icing on the cake! 4 yearsdays later you continue to amaze and inspire me. Really awesome article!
Rich McAllister
2:14 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thank you Tiffany, your help was incredible.. always trying to make my therapist proud !!